36 Questions to Fall in Love, Rewritten for Long Distance Couples (2026)
By Hugsy Team36 questions
The original 36 questions were made for two strangers sitting across a table, getting a little more personal with every set. Distance takes away the table. The idea still works over a call.
Do one set per video call, in order, and take turns answering. The questions only work if neither of you skips ahead.
Want to answer these without hearing each other's answer first? Try them in Hugsy.
Not sure where to start?
If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner on our next visit, who would it be?
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How to do the 36 when you live apart
- Set aside about 45 minutes per sitting, on a video call if you can (audio works too). Do one set per sitting, or all three in one long night.
- Take turns: both of you answer each question before moving on. Whoever asked goes second.
- Don't skip ahead. The questions only work because each set goes a little deeper than the last.
- Replace the original ending (four minutes of eye contact) with four minutes of looking at each other on camera, with no talking and no checking your own face in the corner.
Set 1: getting closer (light)
12 questions- 01If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner on our next visit, who would it be?
- 02If you went viral tomorrow, what would you want it to be for?
- 03Do you ever plan what you'll say before you call me? What do you rehearse?
- 04What would a perfect day look like if we were in the same city, from wake-up to goodnight?
- 05When did you last sing to yourself? Would you sing to me on a call?
- 06If you could keep either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old until you're 90, which would you pick?
- 07Do you have a secret hunch about how our long-distance chapter will end?
- 08Name three things you think we have in common that most couples don't.
- 09What in your life right now are you most grateful for?
- 10If you could change one thing about how you were raised, what would it be?
- 11Take four minutes and tell me your life story, in as much detail as you can.
- 12If you woke up tomorrow with one new ability, what would it be? Teleporting doesn't count.
Set 2: letting each other in (medium)
12 questions- 13If a crystal ball could tell you one truth about our future, what would you ask it?
- 14What have you dreamed of doing for years, and what's stopping you?
- 15What's the achievement you're proudest of, even if no one else noticed it?
- 16What do you value most in a friend, and do I give you that from far away?
- 17What's your most treasured memory, with or without me in it?
- 18What's a memory that still hurts that you'd be okay sharing with me tonight?
- 19If you knew you had one year left, would you change how you live, or where?
- 20What does being someone's best friend mean to you?
- 21How much does physical affection matter to you, and how do you cope without it while we're apart?
- 22Name five things you like about me, and I'll name five about you after.
- 23How close and warm was your family growing up? Was your childhood happier than most?
- 24How do you feel about your relationship with your mother these days?
Set 3: being fully known (deep)
12 questions- 25Finish this three times: "We are both..." (for example, "We are both counting the days till December").
- 26Complete this: "I wish you were here right now so I could share..."
- 27Now that we're this close, what's something important about you I still don't know?
- 28What do you like about me that you've never actually said out loud?
- 29What's an embarrassing moment you've never told me about?
- 30When did you last cry in front of someone, and when did you last cry alone?
- 31What's something about me you only noticed because we've been apart?
- 32What, if anything, is too serious for us to joke about?
- 33If you couldn't talk to anyone after tonight, what would you regret not telling someone? Why haven't you yet?
- 34Your home is on fire and everyone is safe. You can grab one thing. What is it, and why?
- 35Whose loss in your family would be hardest for you, and how would you want me there from far away?
- 36Share a problem you're facing right now and ask how I'd handle it. Then tell me how you think I feel about it.
About the original study
The 36 questions come from psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues: Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997), "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings", Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363–377. In the study, pairs of strangers took turns asking each other the three sets over about 45 minutes. They ended up feeling much closer than pairs who made small talk for the same time. The list went viral in 2015 after Mandy Len Catron's New York Times Modern Love essay, "To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This".
The questions above are Hugsy's own versions for couples who live apart. Each one keeps the slot and the idea of the matching original, numbered in the Source column. Two slots were swapped for questions about distance: Q7, a hunch about how you will die, and Q31, telling your partner something you already like about them, which overlaps Q28. For the original wording, see the full list at Greater Good in Action, UC Berkeley: 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness.
How to use these
- Set aside about 45 minutes per set, with headphones on and nobody else in the room.
- Whoever asks a question answers it second, so neither of you sets the bar.
- The original ends with four minutes of eye contact. On a call, look at each other, not at your own little window.
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Where these questions come from
We read the lists couples already search for, kept the questions that work, and rewrote or replaced most of them in our own words. Some come from the 2,000+ prompts inside the Hugsy app. A person reviews every list before it goes live.
